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Be Less Quiet, and Other Actions for Allies

Better Allies®
Code Like A Girl
Published in
5 min readFeb 28, 2025

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Graphic with the message I’m being *less quiet* about my support for inclusion at work. When people learn how widespread support for diversity and inclusion actually is, they change their own attitudes. There’s a drawing of a white person speaking, apparently in support of a Black coworker who has dialed into a meeting. Along the bottom is the @BetterAllies handle and credit to @ninalimpi for the drawing.

1. Be less quiet

Did you know that most Americans significantly underestimate how much their fellow citizens support diversity and inclusion? Source: PsyPost, an independent science news site

On LinkedIn, Joelle Emerson, CEO of Paradigm, shared some key points about the study, writing:

“While 82% of people agreed with statements like ‘racial diversity benefits the country,’ those same people thought only 55% of other people would agree. And when people learn how widespread support for diversity and inclusion actually is, they change their own attitudes.”

Emerson gave us this call to action: “So if you’re someone who quietly thinks that building representative teams, fair practices, and inclusive cultures is a good thing, consider being a bit less quiet. Your opinion matters.”

Let’s all consider one thing we can do to be less quiet about our support for diversity, equity, and inclusion in our workplaces.

Share this action on Bluesky, LinkedIn, Instagram, Threads, or YouTube.

2. Challenge attempts to soften harmful behavior

After Elon Musk made gestures at a US inauguration day rally that many called out as a Nazi salute, inclusive language expert Suzanne Wertheim, PhD, wrote about softening language. She criticized the Associated Press, the Anti-Defamation League, and others for “calling the Nazi salute things like ‘an awkward gesture’ or a ‘straight-arm gesture.’”

Wertheim explained that softening language is where “problematic (or criminal) behavior by someone with power is described as if it is actually ok.”

Now, we have another instance. Last week, Steve Bannon made the same gesture at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). Some people are calling it a “Roman salute.” Source: Newsweek

Wertheim points out, “Be wary of softening language! Distortions change our understanding of the world, and softening language masks how bad something is and suggests that there shouldn’t be real consequences.”

In our workplaces, we may encounter softening language when people downplay a coworker’s bad behavior or offensive comments. For example, “They’re like that with everybody,” Or “I’m sure they didn’t mean to offend anyone.” Other instances could include excusing a manager’s rude behavior as “just being stressed” or dismissing a sexist comment as “just a joke.”

Let’s challenge attempts to minimize problematic behavior. Let’s push back against the idea that bad conduct is harmless or insignificant.

We can ask, “What makes you say that?” and hopefully turn the conversation towards supporting the marginalized employees and addressing the wrongdoing.

3. Use the time-out gesture to interrupt interrupters

As you may know, multiple studies show that men interrupt women more than women interrupt men.*

In honor of Women’s History Month starting next week, here’s guidance from David G. Smith, PhD, and W. Brad Johnson, PhD, about taking action when you notice someone being interrupted. In their book Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace, they wrote:

“When that interrupter strikes, pretend you’re an NFL referee, and hold up both hands in the time-out gesture. To add some levity, whistle and say, “Dude, that’s five yards for unnecessary interrupting! Now let’s have __ finish her thought.”

As someone who doesn’t watch much American football or use the word “dude,” I don’t think I’d ever say those exact words myself. However, I can imagine using the time-out signal to interrupt an interrupter of any gender. I’d follow it with “__ was speaking. Let’s let them finish.”

*Note: I haven’t found research on this topic involving non-binary people.

4. Keep track of cultural celebrations and religious observations

In mid-2024, Google decided to show only public holidays and national observances in Google Calendar. They removed cultural celebrations, along with other observances. Source: Google Blog. For example, Pride Month, Black History Month, Indigenous People Month, Jewish Heritage, Holocaust Remembrance Day, and Hispanic Heritage Month are no longer displayed. Source: The Verge

If you’d like to keep track of key cultural moments, the team at Feminuity has a solution. They created a free Global Holidays, Observances, and Celebrations Calendar to support inclusive, culturally aware workplaces. They provide Google Calendar and an ICS version (Internet Calendaring and Scheduling) for other platforms.

As a public speaker, knowing about these global observances and religious and cultural events is helpful. (In the past, I made the mistake of accepting a speaking invitation for a public webinar without realizing it was during Rosh Hashanah and that many Jewish people could not attend.)

Perhaps you’ll find it helpful within the context of your job, too.

5. Community Spotlight: Advocate for more inclusive language

This week’s spotlight on an ally action from the Better Allies community is from Whitney Free, who wrote,

“I work at a full-service marketing agency. A social media manager recently reorganized some things for a client team, including merging several spreadsheets into one named the’ master.’ I suggested renaming it due to that word’s origins in slavery. She quickly agreed and renamed it ‘THE [client name] social media spreadsheet.’ :)”

Free is also working to help shift the agency’s language from “white lists” and “black lists” to “allow lists” and “block lists.” She told me, “I really believe small changes like this are great ways to get people thinking more critically about the words we choose, which can only lead to a more inclusive workplace.”

I wholeheartedly agree. And I’m delighted to share Free’s example as we wrap up Black History Month 2025.

If you’ve taken a step towards being a better ally, please reply to this email and tell me about it. And mention if I can quote you by name or credit you anonymously in an upcoming newsletter.

That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward.

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series
pronounced KAIR-en KAT-lin, click to hear my name

Copyright © 2025 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Being an ally is a journey. Want to join us?

Together, we can — and will — make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

Illustration of a red envelope with a newsletter coming out of it. The newsletter reads 5 Ally Actions Newsletter, each week Karen Catlin shares 5 simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace. The envelope has the text Subscribe at betterallies.com. Red arrows draw your attention from the envelope to the newsletter. In the lower corners are the better allies logo and a red bubble with betterallies.com.

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Published in Code Like A Girl

Welcome to Code Like A Girl, a space that celebrates redefining society's perceptions of women in technology. Share your story with us!

Written by Better Allies®

Everyday actions to create more inclusive, engaging workplaces: the Better Allies® approach from Karen Catlin.

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