Speak last. Listen more.
Why Great Leaders Choose to Speak Last
I coach someone who appointed me as their shadow manager — an external hire that acts as her manager — after the only leader she looked up to in the company left.
I was impressed to learn that when offered a managerial role, she conditioned her acceptance on hiring an external coach, recognizing the challenge of transitioning without role models.
In our last session, she told me about a meeting she had with a peer.
“I brought one of my team members to the meeting. He had so much more patience than I do to explain and answer all questions. It worked really well!”
I paused on that point to teach her the value of analyzing experiences. You probably practiced retrospecting on times when things didn’t go well. It’s also beneficial to look back at things that go well and decipher why they happened so you can replicate those moments.
I explained bringing this person was very smart because:
- Her peer and her had some prior friction in their relationships. Bringing a 3rd party and taking a step back changes the dynamic of the conversation.
- Letting her report lead lets her practice delegation (I use “practice” since most of us are bad at it and constantly need to practice it more).
- Letting her report lead lets her see how they work, interact with other people, and know what they don’t know. It gives her direct observations of her report’s abilities, which lets her assess and see what opportunities for praise are and what areas need more support. As managers, we don’t get enough such moments, and those direct observations offer the best source of information for feedback.
This interaction reinforced the importance for leaders, whether managers or tech leads, to let others contribute first in meetings and digital communications. I used this moment to highlight the benefits of speaking last and the drawbacks of speaking first.
Weak or insecure leaders speak first. Why? Here are some reasons:
- They feel social pressure to prove they know — they think people expect them to speak.
- They fear others will have an opinion different from theirs that they dislike.
- They don’t trust others to have the information.
- They need to assert their dominance.
What’s so good about speaking last?
Speaking last during discussions is a powerful way to show people they are empowered to share ideas freely and cultivate a positive environment. Here are compelling reasons why leaders should make it a habit to let others speak first:
Prevent Deference to Authority
When leaders voice their perspectives first, team members tend to agree or stay silent instinctively. Over time, they will learn they shouldn’t even invest time and energy in thinking about the answer or brainstorming solutions because there is no channel to share their input. You will miss tapping into the brains you hired and paid for. It will also put more pressure on you — the leader — to know everything and to come up with solutions for problems.
When you let others speak first, they learn that their input is desired and sought. They learn they are expected to develop knowledge and come up with solutions to presented problems—and they will grow those muscles over time. You teach them that they will need to speak up in discussions, and over time, they will get better.
Encourage Safe Contradiction and Foster Inclusivity
When you speak first, participants are likely to go mute, rather than fearlessly expressing their authentic views, risking contradicting the person in charge. Many people, especially in American culture, avoid conflict. Speaking last allows everyone to voice opinions without confrontation.
Even if team members disagree with what you say, respectfully dissenting before you’ve staked out a position feels better and requires less bravery. The simple act of the leader speaking last implicitly gives permission for others to voice different ideas without feeling like they are directly contradicting the HiPPO—the highest-paid person in the room’s opinion.
Mitigate Authority Bias and Promotes Pluralism of Opinions
Authority bias: having an unreasonably high confidence in information shared by a person with formal authority.
When leaders share their thoughts first, subordinates and junior members may shape their responses to align with the leader’s opinion, even if it doesn’t directly contradict what was said. Why?
- They think the leader knows more.
- They think it’s a better political move.
- They want you to like them and think highly of them.
By speaking last, you avoid unintentionally swaying the group toward your initial stance through the psychological phenomenon of authority bias.
Gather Knowledge and Feedback
By holding out on your opinion, you gain insight into your team’s depth of knowledge and range of perspectives on the issue at hand.
You may learn that your team knows more than you think or has amazingly creative problem-solving skills. In that case, you will be presented with a praising opportunity! That might also lead to delegating future discussions to your team, freeing you up to focus on other needed areas.
Alternatively, you may uncover knowledge gaps that require upskilling, confusion that needs clarification, or new angles you haven’t yet considered. This action offers insights into where to invest more in teaching, training or knowledge sharing.
Or you may uncover misalignments, such as your team being unaware of company priorities or holding uninformed assumptions — or vice versa, revealing insights you were unaware of.
This approach allows you to assess knowledge and alignment and, as mentioned earlier, lets you directly observe the people around you, providing feedback insights.
Foster Brainstorming Mentality
When you speak last, it establishes brainstorming as the expected norm for discussions rather than having people react to the leader’s preconceived stance. This shift in meeting dynamics unleashes more creative ideation as people feel free to explore unconventional solutions.
So next time you’re in a meeting or discussion, wait for others to express their opinions.
If people wait for you to speak, say:
“I’ll share my thoughts after others get a chance to speak.”
If you want to teach others or share your (new) intent, you can explain why you do this. It’s an excellent opportunity to coach other leaders how to lead:
“I’m curios for what others thinks so we can all learn from each other and to encourage creative thinking. I speak first others might hold their thoughts.”
This simple cue shows you are not silent for lack of knowledge or engagement, in addition to showing that you are a thoughtful and intentional speaker. It also signals your desire to hear everyone’s genuine beliefs and suggestions before weighing in yourself.
Speaking last as a leader is an underutilized tool for bringing out the team’s best thinking, cultivating an inclusive culture and demonstrating great leadership.
My love for knowledge sharing led me to coach all types of tech leaders. If you enjoyed this article, and want to chat about a challenge you are facing — reach out: www.sivanhermon.com or on Linkedin.
