What to do with Your Feminist Anger
I have spent the last nine years doing my best to be a positive change agent for Women In Technology. I started a global publication to change perceptions of women in technology. I have run numerous coding workshops for girls and spoken at many Women in Tech events. I have worked hard to be a role model for those around me, mentoring many other women, and showing girls and teenagers what is possible with a career in tech.
Happily over the last five years we have seen many other people, organizations, and schools jump into the conversation. This has driven a significant shift in how diversity in tech is discussed and valued. We are starting to see change. More change than we have seen for the previous 20 years. So I should be happy right? I should be excited. I should be optimistic!
The reality is, I have become more and more angry over the last few months. Angry about how friends have been treated in the industry and angry about how I have been treated.
You see, we have hit the hardest part of the process. The part where everyone knows that increasing diversity in tech is the right thing to do. The powers that be, Old Boys Club and the 20 something Mark Zuckerberg wannabes, know that companies with better diversity numbers, especially at the executive level do better financially than those with little to no diversity.
They truly believe they are doing positive things for change, but their unconscious biases are undermining their good intentions and alienating the women, people of colour, and other minorities who work for them.
So how do we move forward? What do we do with our feminist anger?
We cannot allow our anger to force us to give up.
We are in a place where people are becoming open to change, they understand the benefits and want to reap them. If we give up now it will regress, undoing the positive change that we have created.
We need to turn our anger into positive change, not reflect it back at those who are starting to soften to change already. We have to be the bigger people. We have to channel our anger into something positive. This, for me, is probably the most infuriating part. I want to rage, I want to yell, I want to be heard, but rationally I know it will not help. If we reflect it back at them now, why would they ever change? Why would they want to continue?
However, if we hold the anger in, we will become tired, bitter, and disengaged. We need to release the anger and frustration first and then we can channel it for good. So how do we do this without impacting the progress we have already made?
Community. We need to have people in our life to vent to about our struggles. People who will listen and empathize with us. People who will remind us what amazing strong smart beautiful women we are and that we cannot give up. People who have been through the same thing we have so we know we are not alone. Together we will rise!
What does it mean to channel our anger into positive change?
For me, it means building up the women around me and advocating for them wherever and whenever I can.
It means mentoring them. Taking the time out of my day to help build the next generation even though I am exhausted. Without them we have no future.
Redirecting the conversation back to women when they are interrupted in meetings so they have the space to share their ideas. For example, if Jane is talking and get’s interrupted by Jack, I let him finish then say:
Thanks Jack. Jane I was interested in what you were saying before you were interrupted, could you please continue?
It means advocating for them when they aren’t in the room and building them up in the eyes of others so their competence and value can be seen.
It means redirecting questions back to them when questions are asked of a man in the room, even when the woman is the expert in that field. For example, Jane, a senior software developer, is giving a presentation on the architecture of her current work, but Jack asks Robert, her boss questions about the technical decisions made. In a perfect world, Robert would redirect the question to Jane as she is the expert. If that doesn’t happen and I am in the room, after Robert has answered I would say.
Jane as the designer of that code would you agree with what Robert has said?
That gives her an opening to either correct the statement or confirm the truth and take back the narrative.
When their ideas are stolen in a meeting it means re-attributing these ideas back to them. For example, if Jane comes up with an idea that is ignored and 10 minutes later Jack presents it as his idea I would say:
Thanks for resurfacing Jane’s idea Jack. I think it is particularly useful here.
It is about giving credit where credit is due.
Updated: I am getting good questions about other scenarios through social media so I am adding them here as they come in.
One of my frustrations is when in a meeting with no women there seems to be an assumption that I will take the minutes and I’m a Managing Director now.
If this happens to you my suggestion is to stop bringing your laptop to meetings. You will look more engaged in the meeting and have better focus. The upside is you can’t take notes for the group.
To ensure this never happens in regular meetings that I run, my rule is the last person to join the meeting must write the meeting notes.
Leveraging Our Community
It’s about beating the old boys club at their own game of nepotism and favouritism. They are constantly advocating for their circle of friends and helping them out wherever they can.
Those of us who are advocating for diversity need to build this same type of network. We have to help the those in our networks find the jobs and climb the ladders the way the old boys club has done it for years.
We need to grow our community, and leverage it for all it’s worth!
That is what I am going to do with my anger.
Will you help me?
